This is just the stuff I wish I knew before I enlisted and especially before I went to boot camp.
If you think I'm full of shit about something you can always add on to this list or post something in the comments that I should take into consideration.
http://www.ranker.com/list/knowledge-i-wish-i-had-before-i-enlisted-in-the-military/stokified, advice, armed forces, Humor, military, army, other,
Indecision
If you don't know that much about the military and you don't know what you want to do then join the Air Force. They will give you a job that suits you and people treat each other the best in that branch of the military.
If you are kinda out of shape it's not a big deal. Be prepared for some ultimate frisbee. Be prepared for the rugged heat at boot camp, but if you can get through that you are golden.
If later on you are itching for combat you can always request to be in the Air Force special forces. If that doesn't work and you are in perfect physical shape then join the Army or Marines.
If you don't want to be on a ship then don't join the Navy and parts of the Marines, it's that simple.
Future Plans
Nobody in the military wants to know what your future plans are. If other people are talking about their future and ask you a specific question about your future then lie and act like the joker. Just act like you don't have a future and don't care, which isn't true. You just don't want other people to know what you want to do.
Special Forces Curse. If you tell someone that you want to do special forces it's like telling them that you want to be a super hero who thinks they are better than everybody. Expect people to hold you to a higher standard.
Moral of the story: Just tell people you are happy where you are. Don't bitch and complain and talk about how great something else is. People will go out of their way to fuck you over. Everyone will want to take you down a notch if you are perceived as having a big ego.
Suck Up to Everyone
One moment that extremely helped me out is when I brown nosed a super high ranked person and I didn't even realize what I was doing.
This Master Chief was walking in a hallway and he thought I was talking about him, which I was. He asks what are you saying about me? (in a dickish way) I just said oh we were talking about how badass you were, which was the truth. Then he smiled and walked away. I'm pretty sure this same guy helped me out in the future because of that one encounter.
If you hate someones guts just suck up to them and convince yourself you are being a dick. Just be so good at brown nosing that people don't notice if you are serious or not. They just think that's how you are with everyone.
If someone thinks you are sarcastically sucking up to them then you are fucked.
My Perception Is Your Reality
I've probably heard this over a 100 times in the military. This is great for the military, but if someone told me this as a civilian I'd probably punch them in the face.
If someone ranked higher than you perceives you one way than that is your reality. No matter what the truth is. They really don't care about the truth, all they care about is what they think.
Moral of the story: Don't give anyone a reason to perceive you negatively. Either be super unnoticed or be the nicest person in the world.
Basic Knowledge Before Bootcamp
Whatever branch of service you are going into you should probably have a basic understanding of some pretty basic stuff.
1. Understand what every rank is and be able to identify every single one off the top of your head. Example: What does a Captain wear on his collar? You should know this before boot camp.
2. Have a solid understanding of the chain of command. There are inspections all the time and they ask you the most basic questions like who is the Commander in Chief? People still get it wrong, I couldn't believe when someone incorrectly answered that. Expect questions having to do with every high profile person in your chain of command from your upper enlisted to the president.
3. If people don't know who you are in boot camp the better it will be for you.
4. A lot of people dick around and talk when they shouldn't. Just be quiet in group situations because the last thing you want is to be called out and you don't want other people to narc on you for doing something. Shut your fucking mouth all the time.
Trading Places
If you've never seen this movie before you should probably watch it before you enlist or go to boot camp. There are these two old guys in the movie who basically think that a bum off the streets could do just as well as a top employee of theirs in a very respected work environment.
This relates to the military because if you give someone any reason not to like you they will sabotage you and treat you like a guinea pig. Soon people will try to catch you lying or put you in terrible situations just to prove to other people how terrible you are (even if you aren't).
Moral of the story: Don't give people any reason not to like you especially if they are ranked way higher than you.