This is just the stuff I wish I knew before I enlisted and especially before I went to boot camp.
If you think I'm full of shit about something you can always add on to this list or post something in the comments that I should take into consideration.
http://www.ranker.com/list/knowledge-i-wish-i-had-before-i-enlisted-in-the-military/stokified,
Indecision
If you don't know that much about the military and you don't know what you want to do then join the Air Force. They will give you a job that suits you and people treat each other the best in that branch of the military.
If you are kinda out of shape it's not a big deal. Be prepared for some ultimate frisbee. Be prepared for the rugged heat at boot camp, but if you can get through that you are golden.
If later on you are itching for combat you can always request to be in the Air Force special forces. If that doesn't work and you are in perfect physical shape then join the Army or Marines.
If you don't want to be on a ship then don't join the Navy and parts of the Marines, it's that simple.
OCD Is a Good Thing
If you use your OCD in a positive manner it can be very helpful. Everything in the military has to be the same and in uniform. Checking your lock multiple times is not a bad thing, so you don't leave anything unlocked. Being OCD about your hair and uniform is a good thing. There are really a lot of positives having OCD in the military. If you get too comfortable you will eventually get fucked. It's good to be worried about stuff, just not overly worried.
Future Plans
Nobody in the military wants to know what your future plans are. If other people are talking about their future and ask you a specific question about your future then lie and act like the joker. Just act like you don't have a future and don't care, which isn't true. You just don't want other people to know what you want to do.
Special Forces Curse. If you tell someone that you want to do special forces it's like telling them that you want to be a super hero who thinks they are better than everybody. Expect people to hold you to a higher standard.
Moral of the story: Just tell people you are happy where you are. Don't bitch and complain and talk about how great something else is. People will go out of their way to fuck you over. Everyone will want to take you down a notch if you are perceived as having a big ego.
How to Win Any Type of Awards at Your Duty Station
This really doesn't apply to people in combat. Only a small amount of this would factor into getting the medal of honor or anything like that.
Here is what I think wins you awards at your command.
1. Have a perfect uniform all the time. Don't get lazy. Make sure nothing is wrong with your uniform.
2. Have a perfect haircut all the time. I was getting a haircut one time and a highly ranked pilot was sitting next to me and was getting a haircut. The funny thing is the pilot didn't need a haircut as bad as I did. It looked like he had a haircut a couple of days prior. Seriously every week or 2 weeks get a haircut or buzz your head.
3. Suck up to people that will help you get qualified. It's easier for some people to get qualified in a certain area if they know the people giving the tests or whatever they are trying to qualify for. On paper you look great even though you didn't do much.
4. Don't be a slob. If someone refers to you as a slob you will be known as a slob by everyone at your command.
5. Don't ever look like you're lazy (even if you are.) If someone that controls your evaluation is walking around you better be working hard or act like you are working hard.
6. Study for tests. Most people don't study for advancing to the next pay-grade or whatever type of test you do. People do look at your scores when evaluating you.
7. If your command sends you an email about asking how the command could improve and that your response is anonymous, think again. They can track every persons responses, so don't be a dick and tell them what you really think.
Suck Up to Everyone
One moment that extremely helped me out is when I brown nosed a super high ranked person and I didn't even realize what I was doing.
This Master Sergeant was walking in a hallway and he thought I was talking about him, which I was. He asks what are you saying about me? (in a dickish way) I just said oh we were talking about how badass you were, which was the truth. Then he smiled and walked away. I'm pretty sure this same guy helped me out in the future because of that one encounter.
If you hate someones guts just suck up to them and convince yourself you are being a dick. Just be so good at brown nosing that people don't notice if you are serious or not. They just think that's how you are with everyone.
If someone thinks you are sarcastically sucking up to them then you are fucked.
My Perception Is Your Reality
I've probably heard this over a 100 times in the military. This is great for the military, but if someone told me this as a civilian I'd probably punch them in the face.
If someone ranked higher than you perceives you one way than that is your reality. No matter what the truth is. They really don't care about the truth, all they care about is what they think.
Moral of the story: Don't give anyone a reason to perceive you negatively. Either be super unnoticed or be the nicest person in the world.
Basic Knowledge Before Bootcamp
Whatever branch of service you are going into you should probably have a basic understanding of some pretty basic stuff.
1. Understand what every rank is and be able to identify every single one off the top of your head. Example: What does a Captain wear on his collar? You should know this before boot camp.
2. Have a solid understanding of the chain of command. There are inspections all the time and they ask you the most basic questions like who is the Commander in Chief? People still get it wrong, I couldn't believe when someone incorrectly answered that. Expect questions having to do with every high profile person in your chain of command from your upper enlisted to the president.
3. If people don't know who you are in boot camp the better it will be for you.
4. A lot of people dick around and talk when they shouldn't. Just be quiet in group situations because the last thing you want is to be called out and you don't want other people to narc on you for doing something. Shut your fucking mouth all the time.
Trading Places
If you've never seen this movie before you should probably watch it before you enlist or go to boot camp. There are these two old guys in the movie who basically think that a bum off the streets could do just as well as a top employee of theirs in a very respected work environment.
This relates to the military because if you give someone any reason not to like you they will sabotage you and treat you like a guinea pig. Soon people will try to catch you lying or put you in terrible situations just to prove to other people how terrible you are (even if you aren't).
Moral of the story: Don't give people any reason not to like you especially if they are ranked way higher than you.