"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober."
--William Butler Yeats.
These are some of our favorite, most lovable TV drunks. Famous drunks: cartoon characters, ad men, a shoe salesman, even a kindergarten teacher – they are all proof that it's OK to enjoy the results of a good fermentation process. This list of alcoholic TV characters includes some of the greatest TV characters of all time, because hey, boozehounds are people too. Vote for your favorite drunk TV characters and see if you recognize all of the TV alcoholics on this list.
http://www.ranker.com/list/most-lovable-tv-alcoholics/awesomeballa,
Archie Bunker
"You can never buy beer. You just rent it."
As soon as he would set foot into the house after a long work day, Archie would yell for his dingbat wife Edith to bring him a nice cold beer so that he could plop into his favorite chair, pull the tab and strike a match to light his cigar. Archie's hand was made to hold a can of beer. The man loved his ales and lagers so much that towards the end of the series, he opened his own bar, "Archie's Place," so that he and his drunken cohorts could fill their steins or jiggers with whatever their poison was.
Here's a clip of a supremely toasted Archie, frozen and locked in his basement, thinking that he hears the voice of the Almighty....God, not Bruce or Evan.
Barney Gumble
Bender
Bender from "Futurama" not only loves smoking, drinking, gambling, and treating others like crap, but the circuits of his robot body are LITERALLY fueled by alcohol.
To add to the point, his name is BENDER. As in, going on a Bender. We actually just recently put that together.
Bender's pretty much miserable when he doesn't get to drink, a true sign of an alcoholic, and often says things such as, "What kind of party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker."
Much like the majority of the people on this list, he's mostly a piece of crap, but we love him because like most TV alcoholics, we don't have to be around him and he makes us laugh.
Homer Simpson
"Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." --Homer Simpson
Homer was the original cartoon drunk (well, the first one with his own show). He consumes so much beer that his bartender, Moe, is a regular character and his favorite brew, Duff's, is probably better known to some than his perpetual infantile daughter's name (seriously, people never remember it).
BEST OF HOMER BEER QUOTES
"I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats." When the Simpsons are low on money and have to cut back on things like beer.
"I like my beer cold... my TV loud... and my homosexuals flaming."
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake IDs."
"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer."
"DOE RE MI BEER
DOUGH... the stuff...that buys me beer...
RAY..... the guy that sells me beer...
ME...... the guy... who drinks the beer,
FAR..... the distance to my beer
SO...... I think I'll have a beer...
LA...... La la la la la la beer
TEA..... no thanks, I'm drinking beer...
That will bring us back to...(Looks into an empty glass)
D'OH!"
--Homer J. Simpson
Norm Peterson
TV's most beer-crazed lovable teddy bear, Norm Peterson is a man of few words but with a strong appetite for the brew. This show takes place in a bar... AND HE IS ALWAYS THERE.
Watch the video to the left to see Norm and Cliff sing some sparkling renditions of "Lollipop."
BEST OF NORM QUOTES
SAM: What do you know there, Norm?
NORM: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?
SAM: What'd you like, Normie?
NORM: A reason to live. Give me another beer.
WOODY: How's it going, Mr. Peterson?
NORM: Poor.
WOODY: I'm sorry to hear that.
NORM: No, I mean pour.
WOODY: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
NORM: Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
SAM: What's new, Normie?
NORM: Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer.
WOODY: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
NORM: The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody.
WOODY: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
NORM: The warranty on my liver.
COACH: What would you say to a beer, Normie?
NORM: Daddy wuvs you.
Peter Griffin
Peter Griffin loves beer, just like Homer Simpson. He's fat with three kids, one of them a baby, and has a wife that is WAY too hot for him. Griffin, not unlike Simpson, also enjoys a good pint of beer at his local pub with his friends after work.
A lot.
He even built a lounge in his basement so that he'd never have to leave the house to drink and so that he and his friends could give a new meaning to the term 'regular' at their local bar. Like all great TV drunks, Peter's wife Lois tries to discourage his excessive beer consumption to no avail. In fact, Peter awakens one morning after a particularly grueling night to find himself asleep on his kitchen table with his family eating breakfast around him.
In one great episode, Peter (ala Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) learns that his favorite brewery, Pawtucket Pat's, has hidden 'golden tickets' in five cases of their beer and the winners get to tour the factory and drink to their B.A.L.s reach previously unregistered heights. Peter drinks and drinks until he finds his golden ticket and soon gets to enter a mystical world of malty and hoppy deliciousness.
Al Bundy
The gang from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
"We aren't sending Frank to rehab for bad ideas."
They own a bar, the worst bar in Philadelphia, to be correct. The gang on 'It's Always Sunny" is probably some of the drunkest buncha drunks ever to grace the boob tube.
Their excessive drinking and minimal thinking has lead to some amazing ideas like the 'shot gun,' Paddy's dollars, kitten mittons and most wonderfully Green Man.
Frank Reynolds ('dad' to Sweet Dee, Dennis and maybe Charlie) in his nasty, genius little mind, decided to start drinking his boxed wine out of can, that way no one would know that he was drinking and could carry it around with him wherever and whenever he wanted. In this clip, Dennis and Dee are working on staging and intervention for Frank concerning his drink, while drinking and praising Frank for his brilliant wine in a can idea.
Also notice that a lot of episodes open with them drinking, but before that there are titles that state when the episode is taking place... and it's usually relatively early in the morning...on a weekday...in Philadelphia...and that's probably why.
Don Draper and the "Mad Men"
"We drink because it's what men do."
Never had the world of misogynistic, cocktail-infused 50's advertising been thought of as sexy until "Mad Men" and Don Draper came along. They smoke, pour liquor and hit on secretaries all before lunch, all while looking incredibly debonair in their perfectly tailored suits and with their slicked-back hair. One of Don's colleagues, Roger Sterling is the embodiment of a sauve, sophisticated alcoholic if there ever was one.
Everyone wants a job where they can just sit around, do nothing and drink all day. These characters make us believe this existed at some point, or, at the very least, that it's possible. This is why we love them.
Meridith Palmer
" In five years, I'd like to be five years sober"
Meredith Palmer is the Supplier Relations Representative on the U.S. comedy television series, The Office. Although she has insisted that she does not have a drinking problem, there are many things she overlooks that are serious signs of addiction, such as keeping a flask under the seat of her mini van, knowing the names of numerous bars around Scranton, and even ingesting hand sanitizer for the alcohol in it. To the disgust of her co-workers, she reveals that she also suffers from pornography addiction. It is heavily implied that she has been cast in pornographic movies, on well more than one occasion.